The Usual Suspects of a Lineup

Sitting there waiting for waves is something that we all do as surfers. Sometimes we wait a while for the right wave, sometimes there is a pecking order and we wait our turn and sometimes you have the magic combination of two or three people on a peak and its non stop action and stoke. The joy of a good session when everyone is in sync.

No matter what sort of session it is there are certain roles that have to be filled, sometimes by old mates, sometimes new mates and normally by people you don't know. There is the old saying that if you look at something hard enough you eventually see a pattern. That's what we do as surfers. We see patterns in which a wave will break in a certain way, we learn how to 'read' waves.

To an extent it does not stop there, we also have to know how to read the people around us in the water. Is that guy waiting for the sets or picking off the smaller insiders? Is he going left or right more? Is he just going to paddle for every wave? We subconsciously build these 'profiles' of the other surfers in the water with us and try to use them to our benefit. Its pretty amazing really. Getting back to the point, here are some of the profiles I have noticed that have a repeating pattern.

Mr Friendly is the guy that sits just a little too close (possibly bumping boards) and talks to you non stop. About anything. You never really get a chance to get in sync with the session and Mr Friendly thinks that all the waves are his. But he is friendly so that is okay apparently. Every wave you move to paddle for Mr Friendly will also paddle for.

Mr Go Go will be friendly like Mr Friendly but he will paddle around and spread his friendship over the whole line-up giving the impression that he knows everyone even if he doesn't. The idea being that his opinion carries weight. Mr Go Go's primary tactic will be to call you into a massive closeout. You will find it hard not to paddle as he will shout and whoop, claiming that its going to be 'the wave of the day'. Once you have taken the closeout, Mr Go Go will normally be on the wave after yours that will be the 'wave of the day'.

Mr Patient is the least offensive of the lot but possibly the most annoying. He will not be distracted by our former Mr's and sit a little further out than everyone else. Mr Patient will be waiting for the 50 year storm, he might only have one wave in the whole session but by god it WILL be the best one. The one everyone wants to be on.

Mr Shouty takes the tactic of shouting that its his wave and pointing at it a good fifty metres out to sea. Of course you will not know which one he is on about so is basically saying if you take any waves in the next 2 mins he will be shouting at you for taking his wave. Mr Shouty and Mr Go Go do not get on.

Mr Omnipresentis the polar opposite of Mr Patient, he is like a ghost, he will disappear and appear seemingly at will. Just when you are paddling for a wave and you are sure you have checked no one is on your inside, BOOM, there he is. Mr Omnipresent will never talk or shout or whistle, he will just surf silently behind you until you notice him. It does not matter how far down the peak you paddle Mr Omnipresent will always be there.

Mr Sorry will always smile. Even when he is dropping in on you. After he has finished of your wave for you he will apologize profusely. Maybe say he didn't see you for the 25th time that session. He will definitely be smiling every time he apologizes.

Mr Shit Hotis part Mr Omnipresent and part Mr Patient, he will be easily the best surfer out there and he knows it, he will be on the best waves and will paddle through everyone to get back to the peak. Mr Shit Hot will not speak to anyone as they are not worthy of his attention. The only way to escape Mr Shit Hot is to get out of the water.

Mr Symmetry is by far the best and can only be found in a handful of situations. You will always split a peak with Mr Symmetry, he won't mind sharing waves. You will take it turns and won't get in each others way.

These Mr's are just the way of filling the roles that nature has dealt to be mandatory in the line-up. If we think hard enough we all know friends, enemies and strangers who fill these roles. You know who you are... hopefully a healthy mixture of them all.