E Foil Surfboards - Enough is Enough

James
by on
in: Other, Local sessions, Videos

We have had enough. What actual Thundertwat thought this up. The idea on its own is more ridiculous than making a wetsuit for an otter. We would rather lick bin juice from a car tyre than entertain the imagination of seeing one of these at our local beach, in our lake or anywhere within killing distance of a swimming or otherwise un-motorized human in the water. 

What have the makers of this done wrong? What has angered us to such staggering heights?. Let's break it down.

The first thing - is to put the word 'surfboard' in the title. The two words 'surf' and 'board' apply to a board that taps into the natural energy from a wave and allows the rider to be propelled in a state of perpetual bliss. It requires no power from external sources and it does not have a huge metal bade slicing through the water beneath it.

Secondly, this thing uses energy that comes from a plug in the wall which comes from mainly (at the moment and in most of the world) still unsustainable sources. 

Thirdly, these things have been around but unmotorized for a while. They have already been banned from a number of beaches in Europe due to accidents involving said blade and contact with fragile human tissue. 

Fourth, they cost at the time of writing this article about 12k USD which means you have to be extremely well-off to waste the money on one. 

Summary: These things are for well-off, human killing nincompoops that like to burn car tyres. I am old enough to remember the introduction of Jetskis, unregulated and raw into the beach scene. Rich Banker yuppies would come to our quiet haven of a seaside town and get out their motorised water-bikes, blitz over to the nearest bar via the swim zone, have eight pints of premium lager (beer) and then proceed to do child killing donuts close to the beach to impress bikini wearers.  

Maybe I'm on my own here, or too traumatized by my own yuppie damaged past, but I can only see one thing to come from this and it ain't good. No, in fact, I stand by my original statement, near a car tyre bin juice at the ready. 

On the other hand, if anyone can think of a useful task for these things or a validation of existence, we would love to hear it. Gauntlet thrown.

maxresdefault

maxresdefault

Get the Weekly Low Down