Simon Says...

Oooh...methinks there’s a trouble coming. Today I woke to several messages on my phone all with the same image attachment. Now take a look at said offending document attached below before you read any further.

All over the world this does happen from time to time; surfers getting irritated with SUP-ers, longboarders getting narfy with shortboarders (there was once a proposal for a ‘’longboarding only beach’’ here whereby a designated ‘’longboarding cop’’ would inspect the dimensions of your board before you were allowed in the water...I shit you not...Needless to say the idea didn’t take off.) Now it looks like bathers of all people are joining the foray.

A little back story is required in order to gain a bit of perspective. I hail from city known as Durban on the east coast of South Africa. It’s pretty much surf central in SA, perhaps J-Bay is more well known thanks to the absurd mechanical-beauty that is Supertubes, but Durban is the commercial heartbeat of South Africa’s vibrant surf community. Oh, and the waves here get pretty damn good too. In ‘Durbs everyone surfs. Not in the traditional weekend warrior, ‘’Yeah I can stand up on a foamy and I wear Billabong pants therefore I am a surfer’’ kind of way either. People here rip. HARD. Lawyers, bankers, plumbers, bricklayers, even homeless street kids (more on this amazing story soon, but check this out in the meantime www.tomhewitt.org/surfing/ ). Surfing in Durban is more than a pastime, it makes up the very fabric of our identity as Durbanites. It also employs a lot of people. Yes folks. Surfing is important.

North Beach is an inner city beach situated between two piers along Durban’s ‘’Golden Mile’’. On an east swell it’s wide open barrels and are on par with the fabled New Pier which is about 300 yards further south, and on most days of the year there are generally a few fun peaks around some very smashable bowls on the high tide. Back when I was a kid, North Beach was home to about a zillion bodyboarders, and surfers were generally limited to surfing New Pier to the south, and Bay of Plenty to the north. With the decline of the sport of bodyboarding, surfers moved in to fill power vacuum. Lifesavers, surfers and general beach goers seemed happy with the arrangement. For about a decade everyone was free to frolic about and piss in the bathing area or get barrelled and smash a few turns as they wished. Shangri-La.

So what’s all this fuss about then? The lifesavers along Durban’s beaches are a pretty strict bunch. While most of them surf, if you were to ride a surfboard through the designated bathing area you could probably expect a rather harsh talking to followed by a hefty fine, or smack round the head...followed by a hefty fine depending on your attitude. It seems very implausible that someone would; and I quote, ‘’violate the bathing area...resulting in cutting, scarring, bashing and concussion.’’  That made laugh just writing it.

Perhaps the claim is bullshit. (And by ‘’perhaps’’ read: Yes it is definitely bullshit.) Perhaps not. No one seems to know what is going on right now. Nothing in the local newspapers, nothing on social media, nada. Just a petition. I do feel banning surfing at North Beach would be along the lines of banning cars from Le Mans’ racetrack... Lets hope our municipality realizes the importance of surfing to a great number of us. While I sincerely hope that story isn’t true, can’t we all grudgingly get along like we always have? Like the big inbred, distrustful, resentful, dysfunctional family of ocean goers we are? Surfers? Longboarders? SUP’ers, Bodyboarders? And Bathers? Standing together as one? Too much?

One thing is for sure; if this proposed ban on hard craft goes ahead I’m getting a soft top for the next big east swell. Hell, if Jamie O’Brien can, so can I.