Surfing - A Mum's Story

The prominence of girls and women in the surfing world is growing.

The big surfing brands have realized that girls have moved on from being arm/beach candy, sitting on the beach for hours, taking endless photos, but still missing that epic cutback, and have started to give surfing females more choice of wetsuits, and surf suitable swimwear.  These are all modeled and used by pro-surfers, you know the names, Alana, Steph, Sally.  Fit, blond, bronzed, young ladies. And pretty good surfers.

But what happens when you're not so fit, blonde, bronzed and young?

What happens when life moves on, you meet a guy, you get hitched, and have a kid or two?  Who are the surfing role models then?  This is an area that we think is ignored by the major surfing brands.  We know of a good few powerful, talented surfers who were dropped by their sponsors because they chose to be mum, even though they still charged, and wanted to compete on a world level.

So what happens?  For sure, when you're pregnant your body changes shape, and the physical logistics mean that you can't surf.  But is it more than that?  Does something else happen, something less physically obvious?  Well, here at Surf Bunker we thought we'd ask a surfer mum about her physical and mental approach to surfing, pre and post kids.

Surf Bunker: Hi Emily, thanks for sparing the time to answer our questions.  Firstly, how long have you been surfing?  And how often did you get in the water pre-kids?

Emily: I started surfing around 10 years ago at the tender age of 24. At the time I lived 40 minutes drive away from any decent surf spots and so used to get up early to surf and be back to start work by 9:00am (dripping wet salty hair probably not the most professional look for a teacher). Being young and care free I would surf as often as there was swell and with the length of drive I had to endure, my attitude was 100% committed to going in or don't get in the car.

SB: Your husband, Chris, is a pretty good surfer, did you surf before you got together?  How often did you go on surf trips together, and where would you go??

Emily: I had been surfing for nearly 2 years when I met Chris and our joint stoke for surfing and traveling resulted in some fantastic surfing adventures;  Portugal, Southern France, Costa Rica, Hawaii. My surfing really came on as a result of surfing with Chris (particularly in Costa Rica) as he is so experienced in the water and would encourage and coach me. This confidence in addition to the intensity of surfing 3 times a day every day lifted my surfing to a standard I was proud of. I had also moved to Porthcawl where Chris is from so had great surf spots on our doorstep.

SB: Did you surf when you were pregnant?  Did you miss it?  How did you get your water fix?

Emily: Sadly in 2009 I had an operation which put me out of the water for 4 months which was a huge set back as not only was I crucially out of practice but my fitness level dropped and I had developed a new sense of vulnerability. Not long after this I became pregnant and, still feeling this underlying fragility, decided not to surf during pregnancy.

I did miss it greatly and had an unrealistic (even outright cosmic) perception that after I had the baby I would be back in the water as often as I'd like with my sleeping 'angel' wrapped up being looked after on the beach. I kept up my fitness to a degree with weekly swimming, but the best preparation for surfing IS surfing. But this aside, even if I had been running under water carrying boulders, the exhaustion of a non-sleeping baby killed any desire to even muster the strength to locate my wetsuit let alone go through with surfing.

Having said this I did manage a few cheeky surfs with Chris on some small clean waves when my eldest was a few months old, but wanting to surf with Chris made it very difficult to organise child care to coincide with good conditions.  What has made our relationship work so well without resentment, is that Chris' real passion is surfing, and I know that. It's part of him. Yes, I enjoy it. Yes, it's therapeutic, thrilling and a thousand other things, but it's his life, so if the swell is good I would always prefer him to go. Home life is so much easier with a happy man in the house. So it was an easy sacrifice and one which I thought would not last as long as it has!

SB: So, how often do you go surfing now you’re a mum of two feisty little monkeys, and do you go with anyone else? How often does Chris go?

Emily: I rarely get the chance to get in now. My youngest is 20 months old and I have probably only managed 10 surfs since he was born. It's not to say that there haven't been many opportunities but since having the groms I have a new identity. I am a mother and in some ways it's empowering and rewarding, but in another its made me withdraw from being Emily, and I am third in line in terms of importance. The kids take priority and I slot in behind. This is how it is and I have accepted it. It's not the bohemian idyllic beach family life scene that I expected  but it's a good life. My 4 year old daughter has surfed twice as much as I have in the last two years and that gives me a new kind of stoke. Chris is a great dad and genuinely loves spending time with the kids. He still surfs when he can but its a lot less often than before we had them.

SB: Tell us about your most recent surf.  What happened, or what didn't happen?

Emily: The most recent surf was on a little family trip to Lanzarote. On the second day of surfing I didn't feel confident before going in and already had a mild case of the "fear". My surf fitness level is dire but I miraculously managed to get out back with a couple of sketchy duck-dives. It was a little bigger than I would have chosen and quite choppy for Famara, so spotted a monster set a little too last minute and lacked the propulsion to duck dive it adequately. I got pitched and went over the falls with an 8 second hold down which felt like an eternity. I scrambled to the surface shouting that I was getting out but Chris made me stay in and catch some little crumbly waves on the inside which I'm glad of. It knocked my confidence further and I would be lying if I said I hadn't considered just calling it a day on surfing but never say never.

SB: So do you think it's a physical thing, because it's been a while, your muscles have forgotten what to do, or is it something else?

Emily: I believe the problem is attributed to both physical and psychological elements. My paddle fitness levels are poor but I can duck dive and pop up fine and my timing hasn't changed. My wave selection has changed. I will quite often sit (and recuperate) and feel that most of the waves are too big/too pitchy or find some excuse not to paddle for them. I know I am not going to get hurt. I can tell myself a hundred times it's just water but if it was just about me being hurt it would be fine. Now I have to consider the consequences of me being hurt on the kids. The impact it would have, the bigger picture. The "fear" is not just for me is for us as a unit.

SB: Is Chris affected too, by becoming a dad, or by getting older?  Is the self-preservation about getting older or is it a mum only trait do you think?

Emily: I don't think Chris feels the same responsibility I do during a surf. I think his confidence may well have dipped but mainly due to lack of practice and losing some surf fitness but I think the self-preservation issue doesn't apply to him in the same way it does to me. Age of course also plays its part, and bad backs and pulled limbs seem more frequent than they ever have been. I would wager it is more of a mum issue but it would be interesting to hear from others.

SB: Are you still into surfing – I know you guys are the agents for Billabong in the SW of the UK, so you have some interest in the industry, but are you still searching for the stoke?  Can you remember that feeling?

Emily: I still love surfing as a lifestyle, and I believe it is a lifestyle. I remember the stoke and that's probably half of the problem. I get frustrated that I can't reach that stoke like I used to due to my own limitations. I am back to the level of surfing I was at 10 years ago and being a kook for the second time is not a good feeling. I want to achieve that level of enjoyment again, but realistically I don't have the time to put in to it at the moment. I love that both the kids love the beach and both surf, I love that Chris still surfs. Of course, living by the beach and working in the industry especially with such a fantastic and credible brand at our fingertips (particularly having the pick of amazing wetsuits) I still feel involved with surfing on a cultural and lifestyle level, and perhaps that is enough.

SB: Do you think there should be some realistic surfing mum role models out there, would that make any difference?

Emily: The surf industry obviously sells on both image and talent so it doesn't surprise me that there isn't a significant emphasis on surf mums as such. Social media does its part for inspiring mums to get back in the water but I've also seen some narrow minded comments on the topic from women some of which don't have children themselves such as "your children should slot in to your life not the other way around". I've also met some negativity towards my attitude in preferring Chris to have the time to surf rather than me.

In all honesty I think surfing mums as role models could go one of two ways. It could inspire and empower women to follow suit getting back in the water, especially if there is honesty and realism, but marketed in the wrong way could cause jealousy and resentment. Is it ok cramming a more podgier self in to a wetsuit? Yes. Is it ok to be exhausted just from walking to the water? Yes. Is it ok to only want to surf smaller waves and only grab a surf every now and again? Of course. Do we need a famous surfer to show women this.......?

SB: So there you are, some very frank and honest words from a busy mum, who still has some time, energy and desire to surf.  Thank you Emily, and we hope you score some fun little perfect peelers to help you get the stoke back!  And Chris, and this goes for all other surfing dads, you're a lucky man!