Can Iggy Pop surf and why should I care?

A crab has more chance of reaching outer space under its own steam than the aging rocker being confused with a surfer. Not only that, but he chose to appear on an interview series in which career journalist Mark Occhilupo (not to confused with the famous surfer) interviewed him about hot topics that no one cared about including his non-experience as a surfer.

The Occ-Cast probed deeply into, as we have said, f*** all important, and gave him the floor with an open ended question regarding his surfing experience. Iggy, who clearly still thinks he is 25 years old, told a terrible story about how he would love to have surfed but didn’t as he has one leg longer than the other. I mean… what the actual flip.

Conveniently timed, however is Billabong’s collab with the non surfer in which they sell board-shorts with both Billabong on them and Iggy Pop somewhere. One would imagine this range may cost a little more than your stock standard Billabong attire. We are used to surf brands using other famous people to sell their stuff, but who came up with this one? And at what time in the morning, after smoking how much peyote?

Surely, I thought, there must be some one else for surf brands to team up with? Someone that actually surfs and is famous and could sell them some boardies and stuff?

I decided to challenge myself not only with this task but also, to show how easy it was, I gave myself a time limit. That’s right, you guessed it, I had as long as my morning bowel movement took to think of five guys that would be better. So I put pen and notepad next to the bog paper and I tried not to think about it till the morning.

As luck would have it my physiology played ball for once and gave a little extra time, time that I did not need as this task was going to be so easy. Here was the list that took me, well, not long:

1- Eddie Vedder – Musician and former member of Pearl Jam, a grunge group from Seattle. Very popular in the 90’s onwards. Eddie can actually surf, is good mates with Kelly Slater and seems like he does not hang out around people that tell him he is still twenty five.

2- Antony Kedis – Singer for The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. This guy had a role in the first (and only in my opinion) Point Break film and has surfed for decades to a good standard.

3- Chris Hemsworth – is an actor from Phillip Island in 'Straya' (Australia) where you literally have no choice but to surf, I have met many people from Philly Isle and not one of them doesn’t rip the bag out of it. Probably most famous for playing Thor in the Marvel movies he would have been a shoe in for me. Who would not want to buy Thor/Hemi series boardies. Boom, there you go and no peyote, just a visit to the bathroom.

4- Ben Stiller – Everyone knows that White Goodman from Dodgeball would be good at surfing if he tried it. What? Well it makes about as much sense as Iggy Pop and he is a lot funnier.

5- Keanu Reeves – Yes, Neo can surf apparently and you can’t tell me that would not be a winner, go for Bill and Ted style, Matrix or many of the different roles he played. Okay, now we are getting off the point a bit, but do you see what I mean?

Let's be brutal here, if I can come up with this list of swarthy contenders for a collab such as these without mind altering inebriation and whilst sat on my throne, then shouldn't the guys at Billbong, who are paid for this, be able to do a couple of steps better. I have no problem with Iggy or Occy, but what the frack is this all about guys? The whole thing looks like a driverless rickety tram going downhill fast and to certain destruction.

I may, as I have had to do before, eat my hat if the Billa/Izzy board-short range is a success, but something tells me that crab is more likely to need some anti-grav training. This has been a public very opinionated  announcement. Dickie out.