Let’s first define what I mean by ‘flat’ or no surf. As I’m a man comfortably in his fourth decade, including wrinkles and am obviously no spring chicken, I’m of the opinion that no surf can be defined as follows:
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Wind that comes from anywhere but off-shore which creates clean surfing conditions
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Waves that are generated by local winds, which is called
windswell , and has closer than a 7 second period. -
The topography of the ocean floor combined with tidal forces and energy pulses that we call waves do not create an adequate ‘slope’ or face to be able to slide down.
In short, I’m not looking for on-shore winds to do any fancy twirling or whizzing. Nope, just a nice gentle slope for a salty old sea dog to slide down in peace. Right, now we all know where I’m coming from, I can maybe give you some halfway to geriatric advice on what has worked best for me when the conditions are less than forthcoming.
Firstly, here is a list of the things that are commonly practiced solutions to which I remain unconvinced are the answer:
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SUP - cut off my own face with a spoon. (sorry SUP’ers but it’s just not for me)
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Golf - if you are a lawyer or Kelly Slater.
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Swim - too close to
reminding you of what you are missing. -
Go out and have a night on the town - Nope as it will be pumping in the morning.
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Go on holiday to a place that has waves - as above, it will be pumping at home and flat where you are on holiday.
So what to do when there is no surf to be had? The answer is to have a project on the go. It has to be something that is not anything to do with surfing and you have to be able to pick it up and put it down. It could be anything from building a submarine to learning Advanced Biometric Calculus, the important factors here is that it has no link with surfing and you can leave it for a while and come back to it. After all, the flat spell won’t last
What about fitness? Get a dog (if you can) and train him/her up to be able to be left on the beach guarding your car keys. Training a dog properly is very time consuming and an ongoing thing, they also need to be walked a lot (breed dependent) and every day. They are also cool, just like comedians but with fur.
How about the constant reminders from friends? Make some friends that don’t surf. You might have some already, who knows? For me it was an effort, I had to go out of my way. This way you are not talking about the waves, the forecast, or anything that kind of linked with the ocean.
You can see the theme here, my solution is about building a life that has nothing to do with the ocean or the waves that I can slip into like a pair of second
Before I leave you I would like to just add a few other pieces of advice that have helped me.
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Don’t read articles like this, they will just remind of what you are trying to forget
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Don’t look at social media as there will always be pics of a mate who is in Indo and getting kegged in his boardies.
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Don’t look at the forecast more than once a day, if it does not look good for today, put on your second favorite pair of socks on and drift into the landlubbers’ life.
These are things that have worked for me in my fourth decade, if you are (as I suspect) younger than this, and perhaps lucky enough to be just out of your teens, then the answer is different and simpler. Go and surf. Any wave is a good wave. Happy twirling.
